Monday, August 8, 2011

Hopefully in 2012


'My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of the Iraq regime has been completed.

Since Congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete.

This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq . This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now time to begin the reckoning.

Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom , Spain , Bulgaria , Australia , and Poland are some of the countries listed there.

The other list contains every one not on the first list. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.

Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.


The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world Hell holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.

Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France ...

In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home. On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth.

Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France or maybe China .

I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France , and Russia . Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well.

I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York.

A special note to our neighbors: Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not ticking us off for a change.

Mexico is also on List 2. Its president and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment.

I will have a couple thousand extra tanks and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to

put 'em? Yep, border security.

Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty - starting now.

We are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately, we'll be drilling for oil in Alaska -which will take care of this country's oil needs for decades to come. If you're an environmentalist who opposes this decision, I refer you to List 2 above: pick a country and move there.

It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, 'darn tootin.'

Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America .

It is time to eliminate homelessness

in America . To the nations on List 1,

a final thought. Thank you guys.

We owe you and we won't forget.

To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You might want to learn to speak Arabic.

God bless America ...

Thank you and good night.'

If you can read this in English,

thank a soldier.


  1. Damn, I like it, but only if spoken as eloquently as President Reagan when he told Gorby to "Tear Down This Wall".

  2. Yes USMC, I can't imagine these words coming out of President Obama's mouth. Kennedy, Nixon, Reagan absolutely. Do any of them on the scene right now have the cojones? NO!!! I'm so sick of politics.

  3. I've pretty much had my fill of libs. Hauntingly similar to 1978 through 1980, but back then we did have hope after November of 1980.

  4. I remember it well sir. I had been voting all along but this was when I started to take notice. Something needs to happen now. I don't know if we can survive another 15 months of this crap. The whole damn bunch needs to get their asses back to DC and do the job we hired them for.

  5. I miss the part where we invade the People's Republic of California and free the economic slaves.

  6. I was just reading a thread on the FlToday politics forum. OMG even the lefties are turning on the President. Amazing! I never thought I would see that.

  7. Fishygal - I read widely. The Progressives that supported President Obama have been unhappy with him for a long time now. They feel "sold out," didn't keep his promises, and too cozy with big money interests. Conservatives are unhappy too, most notably yesterday with Jeb agreeing with Duncan's NCLB waivers with conditions, just disagreeing on what the conditions should be. Apparently Jeb also thinks Congress doesn't need to legislate anymore either. Finally, I notice the polls that show Rand Paul's numbers increasing. Wall Street gave Romney the nod, but will Main Street?

  8. Race will be an issue. First whitey that steps up and reminds everyone of MLK's words is toast. But someone needs to face it down.


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