Friday, February 25, 2011

My Grandson, Tyler

Most regular readers remember when Madpole, a Grumpy Member lost his Grandson Tyler early the morning after Christmas. Tyler's Grandmother, Madpole's wife has a story to tell, and a warning for every parent and grandparent.  

My grandson was a very energetic, happy, fun-loving 8 year old boy. He loved life and enjoyed riding his bike and playing video games. When he was in preschool, the teacher’s talked his mother into putting him on ADHD medication for behavioral control. She asked our opinion on the matter, and we told her no, that was not a good idea, but in the end, the teacher’s won out and he was put on meds. During winter breaks, spring breaks and summer breaks, we took him off the meds. This past summer was no different. When school resumed, my son had to put him back on the meds because the school required it (he was too energetic for the teacher, they did not want to have to keep telling him to stay on task).

He went to the doctor to try and get different medication because the current stuff he was on was having adverse effects in his ability to control his bowel movements. The doctor prescribed a different medication, but never told my son exactly what it was or the dangers of this particular medication. His Medicaid had expired because of the transfer from his mother’s case to my son’s case and his medication ran out. He was off the meds for about a month before the insurance was corrected. During this time, his teacher would wave us down when we picked him up at the end of the day and ask when he was getting back on the meds. She wanted to know if there was anything the school could do to help get him back on meds. She did this several times over the course of the month, begging and pleading with us to put him on the ADHD medication.

The insurance was corrected and he started taking the new meds. This was in November. He was on this new medication for about 6 weeks. We stopped giving it to him when the winter break came. He had a wonderful Christmas day, opening presents and playing with his new toys. When he went to sleep that night, we had no idea that he was not going to be with us in the morning. He lost his life overnight and I will never forget what the school did to him. He was forced to be put on these meds by the school and I know that’s what took his life that night.

Teachers should not be allowed to force the children who are under their care for 6-7 hours a day to be put on medication. If you have a room full of energetic kids, do you dope them up so they will sit still? If that is what a teacher wants out of their classroom, they should be teaching high school. Young children are energetic and should not be held back just because a school decides that it’s easier to teach if the kids sit still.

My grandson lost his life, not because of something he chose to do, not because of something that we chose to do, but because of something that his school required because he was energetic and they did not want to have to keep working with him. How many other children’s parents are going through this same thing? How many other teacher’s are begging and forcing the parents to put their kids on meds so they have a quiet room to teach? How many more deaths to kids before the schools change their policy?

I did some research and found out that 147 kids lost their life to this medication that my grandson was on over the last 10 years. Out of those, almost 80% died in the first 6 months of taking this medication. Is that an acceptable loss? Apparently so, they are still prescribing it. How does a parent know if their kid is going to survive or not? Why do doctors prescribe this medication if they are unsure about it? Is there a kickback to the doctor’s if they prescribe it? Also, with the schools, do they get extra financing if more kids are on medication? I think they do, they must, why else would they want to robotize our children?

Parents, you must know what you are giving your children. Do some research, ask around. Talk with other parents. Do not ask the doctor, and do not ask the teacher. They are working together to dumb down our children and maybe even take their life.

I sent Tylers Grandmother a note asking if she wanted me to post her story
I received this reply


Grumpy, yes, I would be very honored if you would post this story on your site. It was very hard to write, but I wanted to try and get the word out. Parents are giving this stuff to their kids without any knowledge about the dangers of it. There are supposed to be tests run by the doctor before they prescribe it. There are also supposed to be "Black-Box" warning labels on these medications. That is not being done. Something has to stop this madness. These pharmaceutical companies are making a mint off the drugging of mostly American children. The schools dare to promote "Say No to Drugs" when they are requiring that children take drugs (medication) to control their behavior. Does that make sense?

Thank you for posting this for me. I hope some parent out there gets the message before it's too late for their family. 
Grumpy Note
I know first hand how easy it is to get a doctor to write a perscription..  I had my grandson at the doctors office one day, we we're talking, I happened to mention he'd gotten into a little scuffle at school..  He was seven at the time.  Seven Year old boys have been getting into occassional shoving matches as long as there have been seven year old boys.
The first thing out of the doctors mouth was "I can give you a perscription"

I told the doctor I could give him a gentle smack where God provided the spot.. (not..... exactly in those words)
New Information

Someone I know and repect saw Debbie's story and sent me an email roughly an hour ago (1:30 pm). in the email was a link to Fight for Kids.. an organization dedicated to preventing the misuse of these drugs.  Here is link, it contains a great deal of relevant information


  1. This is incredibly sad. I had experienced the same pressures from the faculty when my oldest son was around 10, they even had the audacity to present a 'permission slip' to have him evaluated, to medicate him in my absence, and that I had everything explained to me and I understood everything including advserse affects and that I assume all responsibility. I know not where the their heads are, perhaps that's why they are sleeping on the floors of the Wisconsin capitol building. By the way, I told them to pound sand in the same place Grumpy was going to put his foot in the doctor's -er- rather smack him where God provided the spot.

  2. So awful. We watched "Waiting for Superman" last night and my brain is still reeling. I hope every American will watch this movie, it is a must see.

    Only 1 in 2,005 teachers ever loses a job. Bad teachers, even with voluminous evidence of wrong doing, cannot be fired due to the tenure which makes their jobs almost an inalienable right, just behind breathing. Instead of getting fired, in... New York City, bad teachers get passed around or sent to reassignment centers, known as rubber rooms. During the making of the film, 600 teachers were relegated to an average of 3 years in rubber rooms; passing the time, reading, sleeping or doing whatever while collecting full salary and accruing benefits to the tune of $100 million a year.

    Who won

  3. Sad! But as the husband of a teacher, I can only say that there are many kids sent to school who not only are ADHD, they are undisciplined--Not only at home but also, by law, at school. This makes for an untenable situation for many teachers. Perhaps it's time to bring the paddle back into the classroom.

  4. Anonymous.. Don't think you'll get much argument about bringing back the paddle on this site. I think most people posting here would rather see that then what happened to Tyler, or the approach the schools used with Lefty's son.

    One of the things we're talking about here is kids getting medicated to make life easier on the teachers without anyone explaining the risks.

  5. Tyler wasn't an unruly child.
    The teachers problem with him was that he wasn't performing the work as instructed, and that was my fault. When I sat down to do homework with Tyler, I taught him little games to play to make the problems easier. Such as carrying a digit, I would term a loan to a teenager and memorizing spelling words with humor.
    Tyler started to teach others and upset the teachers. I didn't know that conformity was a cause to drug the child.
    I fought the drugging every inch of the way, I gave his dad hell, but in the end I lost, I lost my grandson and they say it was natural.
    I'm in hell. Tyler's laugh was my oxygen, his hugs were my blood. Most of my time was spent teaching him and being there for him. He was afraid of the dark, and ja ja protected him, no I didn't.

  6. Madpole and Family- My thoughts are with you every day. Stay strong.

    When my youngest son was in 8th grade I got a call at work one day from his guidance counsellor. He said that my son had "not been performing" up to his expected level and would I be willing to have him tested for ADHD? He was not getting in trouble nor causing class disruptions, he merely "was not performing...". Keep in mind that he was in the gifted program and was bringing home average grades. Needless to say I refused. I did however tell them to take him out of the gifted program if he was not making the grade. They refused.

    The next week I got another call at work, same thing, I again refused. And again I told them to take him out of gifted, again they refused.

    The following week came the third call, again at work, except this time I was essentially accused of neglect for not being willing to have my son tested and being a bad mother for wanting him out of gifted. I was brow-beaten to the point that I agreed to do a 'home assessment', a multipaged questionaire though I still refused to take him to the doctor.

    A few weeks later I got a note from the guidance department of the school saying that in their assessment they had determined that he was not ADHD and no further action would be needed.

    The most disturbing part of it all was the persistence of the school in their quest to have him diagnosed as ADHD. And not even because of behavior problems but because he wasn't getting the grades they thought he should have been.

    Tyler's story is tragic and one that should be shared with all parents. The manipulation of our families being done by the school system must be stopped. Teachers are not medical professionals and have NO RIGHT making medical dterminations and insisting that kids be medicated. They are NOT looking out for the best interests of the children, they are trying to make their jobs easier through the use of behavior modifying drugs. And it's understandable how parents follow their direction given the pressure they apply.

    We need to stop this practice now. It's too late for little Tyler but if it'll help save even one child his loss would not have been in vain.

  7. Who One... I'm not sure it's time to cut school funding, the last 50 years should have taught us that just throwing more money and new untested idea's into the system isn't the answer..

    Here in Florida the legislature as a vague idea of how they want to move towards merrit pay.. They refuse to guess what the scheme will cost or how it will be paid for. Kind of like Pelosi's, you have to pass it.......

  8. I too had two boys that the school had wanted me to put on medication for ADHD. I complide, for their benefit. My boys were Zombies, I chose to take them off of the medication.
    The school noticed almost immediatly and asked me why did I do such a thing, I told them as thier Mother, I could not watch my children sit in front of the television and not be able to function. Well they were quick to call a meeting with me and the principal. I was "Instructed" to put them back on it, so my boys and I decided to play a little game, I explained to them how important their education was, and they needed to pay close attention to what the Teachers said and please do your work so you don't have to take that awful medicatin anymore.
    Two weeks later I requested a meeting with the Teachers and asked how my boys were doing in School, I was informed that the best decision I could have made was to put them back on the Ritalin...Then I blew up, I said some choice words, that I won't say here, but told them to stick that Ritalin where the sun don't shine, because both boys have been off of it for 2 whole weeks!!
    The Doctors get kickbacks on every medication they prescribe, they should be very careful with medication for children, I bet they would never put their kids on ADHD medication!!
    I'm so sorry for your loss and my heart and prayers go out to you. What happend is not your fault, it lies in the laziness with the School systems, They dealt with it back when I was in school, now its just whats easier. The teachers think they don't make enough money to go the extra mile...Well you know what? If its not enough money then get another job, and if its what you want to do, then stop demanding your students parents drung their children!!!!!!!!!

  9. I certainly feel tremendously sorry for Debbie and Madpole. There is no greater pain than to lose a young child. God Bless you both.

    Now can we all agree that teachers are evil people who don't care about our children or their education and the only reason they are teachers is because want a soft job where the government can take care of their every want.

  10. I strongly object to Anonymous comments that teachers are "evil people." There are several members of this group whose close family member are in fact teachers. The loss this family is suffering should not be used in this way. So, NO - I do not agree with that statement and in fact, I have spent untold hours trying to present the facts and evidence about the conversion of schooling into environments where the only thing that matters is testing, testing, and more testing - benefiting WHO?

  11. To Tyler's Family:
    I pray that the deep pain of loss subsides enough so that Tyler is remembered more frequently for how he lived, a ray of light, bringing joy and laughter. You loved him deeply and he knew that.
    May God bring a measure of peace to all of the family in these difficult times.

  12. Anonymous,,, I didn't recall anyone calling teachers evil.. From the comments so far, it's clear there's a problem. Is that problem driven by teachers or the school systems? I don't know.

    What I Do Know, is when someone insists that a child needs to be medicated, parents have every right to question their right, authority and qualifications to make the statement. Last I checked, in this country that requires a Medical License

    I Know parents have every right to have any and all conceivable problem that may arise explained to them in very clearly.

    I Know that a child needs a complete and thorough physical before anyone prescribes a medication with a long list of known risks

    I Strongly Believe that parents should be encouraged to get a second "Medical" opinion of both the childs alledged ADHD and physical condition to make sure nothing was overlooked

    In My Opinion this crap IS being over prescibed. Kids haven't changed in the last million or so years.

  13. Madpole, With 5 grandchildren, I can only imagine the pain you have had to endure. There just is nothing that can be said to ease that pain. I just pray that in time it will be easier to live with.

  14. My sister is a behavioral therapist, unlike many of her peers she believes that all issues require much more than just medications.

    The school system "suggested" I have my Daughter and later my son medicated. My answer can not be posted here...Keep in mind this was the same school system that said my Daughter was either gifted or retarded. I know for a fact she did not become retarded until 15. She was never gifted (that was her mother's idea..reason 3 I am no longer married). My Daughter is just normal.

    I do feel and share your pain.

  15. Just as a followup, I pursued what the perceived problem was with my son, they said he just isn't paying attention in math. I asked them specifically what, and sat at the kitchen table that night, and we worked out his 'confusion'... using the methods from when I learned. He took the 'quiz' the next day, and scored perfect from then on out without the medication... the same teachers (note multiple) were astonished that he got the correct answers using the wrong technique... go figure... the educational outhouses of today need to be reformed such that tragedy's such as Tyler's never happen again.

  16. Captain; I have it on good authority that sudden attacks of retardation in boys and girls are common around that age, generally, except for parental greying there is no permanet long term damage.

    Lefty; I agree, the arrogance and incompetence that make this possible have to be eliminated. As far as reform, I think its time to at what worked when we had the best educational the world could imagine. A time before we started fixing what wasn't broke,

    Marine number seven is on the way. I don't believe I could handle losing one... Tyler's grandparents have been amazing..

  17. I don't want this post to end.
    I don't want to say good-bye.
    My wife threw out his toothbrush the other day and I have been on her about it since.
    People laugh and carry on, I don't want to.
    Every moment is hell, all I want is Tyler.
    That isn't so much to ask, after all I do for everyone else, for me I never ask anything,but I'm begging now. Please let this go away.
    I need him.

  18. Mad- If any of us could change things we would do it in a heartbeat. We would do anything to ease your pain. But the only thing we can do is to help carry you over the rough patches until the road smooths out a little.

    We're here Mad, reach out to us and let us help. Come meet with us and be reminded that there is a world out here that needs you. A world separate from your grief, an escape if only for a moment. You know how to contact us, please do it, it might help.

    Remember the story I told you, remember how important it is for you to continue to be part of your family's world. Their lives go on, they need you to guide them along the way. If you retreat from day to day life the tragedy will be only be compounded and the effects will last forever. Mad, you know my story, please don't let it happen to your family. They need you.

  19. Yes dear Fast, I will. I still got a lot of love left. I'm just so sad. Each morning is hell, waking up stinks. By the days end, I've done some good, spread some happiness, but every morning I guess we can expect posts like that above. Until the hurt isn't so bad.

  20. Mad, if writing your feelings helps to ease your mind then please keep it up.

    Some times in our lives, we all have pain, we all have sorrow
    But if you are wise, you know that there's always tomorrow.

    Lean on me, when you're not strong, and I'll be your friend, I'll help you carry on,
    for, it won't be long, till I'm gonna need somebody to lean on.

    If there is a load that you have to bear, that you can't carry
    I'm right up the road, I'll share your load, if you'll just call me.

  21. Loosing a child-family member and the use of medication to solve children's behavior problems are issues I have painfully had to deal with.

    As far as loosing a child member of the close family goes the pain so unbearable that unless you've lived you just don't know. The diminishes over time but never goes completely away. Then there will be something happen to bring it all back. This past Christmas was such a time.

    Madpole and family, while I don't know you and I don't know Tyler I do know your pain. I feel it. I live it.

    The other thing is the over use of medication to control children's behavior. We have had experience with it and know that best solution to hyper activity is activity. Focused activity. One child the school wanted to medicate but sports worked better. Same with a grand child. It is amazing how focused they can be on the ball field or up in a tree stand. It is amazing how much energy is used when you make em run a few laps around the neighborhood.

  22. Madpole. You are NOT at fault in any of this. The people who are responsible need to "own" their responsibility. Unfortunately, the only way to make people or institutions understand their responsibility is through financial penalties.

    I know you and know that you are far from the type who would pursue the route that I am thinking of, however you must. Only by stiff financial penalties levied against organizations like the Doctors, their employers, their Drug-Dealing Drug Company Reps offering kick-backs and free trips to Doctors for prescribing their poisons, will they understand what they are doing to the "innocents".

    Please name the Drug and let me/us know if and how we can help in our own small way.

  23. Methylphenidate
    It's ritalin, they keep changing the name about every dozen or so deaths.
    You are right, I'm not about getting legal. I have always liked to straighten bad folks out with a poke to the nose.
    My wife and son have been digging up all the facts and we have pieced together small indications that we dismissed at the time. Such as, a couple of weeks prior, Tyler got winded far too quickly on a simple walk. He was very irritable the last days,(god that's hard to type),and we chocked it up to Christmas excitemnt overwhelming him.
    As for me, I can't for a second, think of him suffering in anyway, I have involuntary muscular contractions, a therapist said was PTSD. So I have to get space between me and the conversation. I used to be a tough guy,back in the ghetto, saw a lot of dying. I have to rely on my wife and son carrying this battle, I only know one way to fight, and I guess I'm fighting me.

  24. Aqua, it is wrong for us to get hit like this.
    We love them, guide them, and protect them and someone who's only stake in the game is profit robs us of our treasure like a thief in the night. How can they tell us to "say no to drugs" and dope them up to control behaviour?

  25. Ritalin
    Generic Name: methylphenidate
    Brand Names: Concerta, Metadate, Methylin, Ritalin

    Different drug companies are making Ritalin now and putting their own brand name to it, but it's still Ritalin. Tyler was switched to Metadate. We did not know....

  26. This is an awful story. Mad, my deepest sympathies on your loss.

    It is amazing to me that any parent would consider the opinion of a teacher or principle to be anything close to medically sound. These people have zero medical training and are in no way in a position to recommend drugging a child to make them more compliant.

    Where does a school get off requiring, or even recommending, a child be drugged? Drugs are full of harmful side effects, known and unknown, and should only be suggested and administered by trained medical professionals who are known and trusted by the parents. Why do you think drug ads in magazines are three pages long or have 40 seconds of disclaimers?

    Its probably a good thing I don't have kids, becuase they would most likely be "handfuls" in the classroom and I'd have to raise holy hell if a teacher attempted to play doctor on my family!

  27. Smartgal, if you had kids I've got a hunch they'd show everyone all DUE repsect.. Also believe if they didn't, they'd get, ahhh, talked to.

    Your skll at dealing with adult stupidity is known and respected by most of the posters here.

  28. Madpole, Debbie;

    I'm not ready to let Tyler be forgotten, I'm in this for as long as you guys want to fight.


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