Dear Mr. Gingrich,Okay, I'm not a big Gingrich fan and there was a bit of humor there, although I get the impression Duane woulf be happy to run any Republican's camapaign into the ground. and for that mission uou could buy him really cheap.. as long as he could get some grant money from the Republican's opponet and a little kick back from the DNC....
I hope that you'll pardon my sending you an open letter like this, but I don't know of any other way of getting in touch with you. The departure of five of your senior aides yesterday doesn't make getting in touch with you any easier.
In any event, you might be wondering why I, a pretty damn liberal Democrat, would be writing you to invite you to hire me to run your Presidential campaign. I'm happy to explain:
1. I want you to pay me a lot of money -- a serious, whole lot of moneyOf these, #1, #4, and #5 are absolutely sincere. I want your name in the history books as the Bob Dole to Obama's Clinton, the Walter Mondale to Obama's Reagan. I want you to be remembered as the emblem of the Republican Party of 2012!
2. I think I can help you win
3. I have some relevant experience, even if not on this level
4. I really despise most of your competitors, and am prepared to hate Huntsman any moment now
5. I truly to want you to win the nomination
I would not work on your general election campaign, but frankly if you get nominated you'll have people who spit at you now coming out of the woodwork to take your money, so we can just cross that bridge when we come to it. I promise to leave you in a good position to hold onto the Republican base -- even if no one else.
One buy one Duane went down the list of GOP potential candidates, aways thinking he was being funny... guess he was funny to the Markos Moulitsas crowd.. I've notced they have a strange sense of humor.. Eventually Duane gets to Herman Cain
I'll admit it right up front -- Cain scares me. I don't mean as an opponent; I mean as a human being.Read the entire thing, http://www.dailykos.com/story/2011/06/10/983851/-Dont-Worry,-Newt:-I-Can-Manage-Your-Campaign?
Cain poses a problem, though. Cain can get away with saying more racist things than you can, because white (i.e., almost all) Republicans think that because he's Black, he can't be racist, even if he's trotting out every vicious anti-Black stereotype in the book to the delight of white onlookers. (And he will).
You should let people know that he'll be your choice for HUD Secretary. The more pissed off he gets at it and denies that he'd take the job, the better. You'll tell him that you know that he wants a job and will give it his all.
Cain's "insider racism" is a problem for you, because it takes away one of your strengths. I'm no expert on racist appeals, Newt -- I assume that Republicans have a list of people you can call for those, but I have made a study of your speeches in the past day and I have an approach that I think will fit you well: be extremely, extremely patronizing. It's one of your strengths anyway; might as well use it!
So: treat him like he's a precocious fourth-grader. Explain basic facts to him. "Gerald Ford -- he was the President before Jimmy Carter, Herman -- once said...." Or if you speak after him, go with "That was a nice point, Herman! That was very good. So clever! I'm proud of you." The goal is to get him to snap, to turn into Sherman Helmsley doing a rant from The Jeffersons. (It was a TV show in the 1970s, Newt.)
He'll start off doing a slow burn. He'll lash out at you from time to time -- you just be beatific and oblivious. Eventually, when he realizes that is dignity is sloughing off of him like the skin off a wet shar pei, he will snap. He will start calling you some ugly names. And when he does, you will have him arrested and escorted away. You'll roll your eyes at the audience with sort of a "well, what can you expect?" look, and they'll eat it up.
Then you'll call out to him that you'll still want him as your HUD Secretary, because you believe that Blacks do have a legitimate place in the Republican Party.
OK, I realize that you could probably do better than that on your worst day, but my point is that I will pretend to accept it while I take notes towards my scathing campaign memoir.
The more I read from the left, the more I realize they like to express their personal views by pretending the words came from someone else.. In his entire rant about Cain, Duane couldn't get past race..The democrats seem to have a real problem with people like Herman Cain and Allen West.. The Jackass party has set up a sterotype for every social, racial, ethnic and gender group they can think of, they've even created a few. If you're white and conservative, then you're a rich racist.. If you're black you need the democrats to tell you what to think... after all it's been that way since long before the Civil War...