Thursday, March 3, 2011

Signs of Life

Do the people who write this stuff ever go back and read it again once they are done?:

I was following a truck this morning heading north on Route 12 towards Greene, NY.  There was a huge orange sign on the back of the truck in front of me that said “Construction Vehicle – Do Not Follow”.  So I turned around and went back to the office.   

I had the opportunity to open a toilet paper 6-pack earlier today on which the following words appeared:  “Facial Quality”.  Butt, I didn’t need to wipe my face…

While showering this morning I took time to read the shampoo bottle.  Under instructions, it said, “Lather, Rinse, Repeat”.  I’m still in the shower and the laptop’s getting wet, can I stop now?

Q-Tip Box includes the following instruction:  "Do not use in ear canal"  What ELSE are they good for??? Tiny Tiki Torches?

Oh, and on a "Scrubbing Bubbles Fresh Brush" I came across in our bathroom, I found the following verbiage:    "Do not use for personal hygiene"  Anyone ever see the size of that ' Scrubbing Bubbles Fresh Brush' thing (photo to the left)...  What part of your body WOULD you clean with it?

I ordered that a 'Southern Style Chicken Sandwich' today at McDonalds.  (If you've ever eaten at Chick-Fil-A, you know what they are trying to do -- but it's not even close.)  I read the back of the little purple and white cardboard casket that my sandwich came in and found the following note:  "Made with a minimum 46% post-consumer recycled content"  Super, now they're wrapping my lunch in someone else's garbage.  Thanks Scary Clown, now I'll tell everyone that the "You Want Flies With That?" blog was about YOU.  That's right, your name is on the street -- let's see how long you survive after these two MAJOR scandals?

And, when I ordered the $1.00 hot fudge sundae to wash down my trash-encrusted sandwich I was relieved to see that the peanuts (that I asked NOT to get) also had a warning:  "Allergen Information:  May contain tree nuts"  So was I 'nuts' for not running screaming out of the building?  Lacking that little tidbit of information, how could I have possibly known that my peanuts might have been hanging out with the 'wrong type' of nuts?

I washed my car this weekend and had to open a new bottle of Meguire's Crystal Car Wash.  I twisted off the cap on top of the jug and found an inside foil seal labeled:  "Sealed for your protection".  What are they protecting me from, washing my car? 

That's it for now.  The "Do Not Follow" sign got me thinking...  If you've seen any 'spooky', 'odd', or 'displaced' verbiage out there, send it in as a 'Comment'.  

It's FUN, it's EASY, and best of all, it's FREE.  

(For a limited time only.  Actual comment cost may be affected by dealer's contribution and your credit rating, no money down, and EZ monthly payments required, 12,000 characters included in the base comment lease and .32 per character for every character over the 12,000 during calendar period.  Remember to always read the FINE PRINT -- it's there for someone's protection (yeah, not yours))... 
Have a great day!


  1. My iron has a warning tag on the cord."Caution Hot Surface". WUT? Same one on the curling iron. HUH? The new knife I got for Christmas, yep you guessed it, "Caution Sharp Edges". DUH

  2. Well, I'm not sure I am going too far down this road. To take a few shots in order, the construction vehicle you followed may likely be filled with rocks, asphalt or other nasty bits that you might prefer not to have hitting your windshield. I'll go along with your next four, and maybe even share the blame (as a trial lawyer, I know that virtually every label of the sort you mentioned started its life as a lawsuit. I do not even want to imagine where someone stuck the toilet brush to give rise to the suit that caused the warning, but never forget that fifty percent of the people are in the bottom half.) I am glad the scary clown now uses recycled stuff instead of Styrofoam bundles of death. And Meguire's is protecting you, at the cost of some inconvenience, from the sort of cranky sociopaths who might come home from viewing an irksome sign and, instead of launching a Swiftian diatribe, wanders down to Manny, Moe and Jack's to put muriatic acid in your car wash, thus reducing your Plymouth Horizon to a filmy ghost of its former self.

  3. Peter, I think we all know what your saying, and we know you're right.

    Most of the readers here have little common sense. They avoid getting careless with things that will hurt them. Even after years of posting on public forums, and encountering a fair number of strange people, they know the mathmatical odds of a sociopath actually physical harming them are fairly safe.

    I had to shake my head the first time I opened a box of window screens with a non removable tag that read,

    "Window Screens are NOT Intended to Prevent Falling"

    My first thought was how could anyone think a 3'X 5' piece of fiberglass inside a flexible 1/4 x 1/2 inch hollow aluminum frame could prevent falling. My next thought was the warning was useless, since anyone who thought that, wouldn't be able to read the lable.

  4. Speaking of the fine print, ever read a warranty? The salesman gets to say a product's guaranteed, without mentioning how carefully the manufactures lawyers have worded the exclusions...

    Peter, good to see a new poster..

  5. I used to have a pottery business. I made sure to label the S/P shakers "for decorative purposes only", "not food safe". My dear SIL pointed out I was assuming people could read. I think a lot of times it's a CYA thing. BUT when Moos writes about it, the laughter comes along with the dumbness of the whole thing.

  6. Nope not going to mention the shotgun shell again. Really surprised though that Nader did not campaign for a disclaimer on aluminum storm doors on single digit temperatures. They really should warn a guy.

    Oh yeah, aluminum extension ladders and power lines also.

  7. Marine, there's a reaon I said "most" Course you were young and dumb then. I think all of us played with some things we shouldn't as kids. Not sure if we'd have paid much attention to a label.

  8. LOL USMC guess they couldn't fit the whole warning on that shell. Perhaps it was on the box??

  9. Fishy - I'd also recommend NOT buying one of those little 22 blank starter pistols advertised in the back of less than credible magazines. It seems one should not cut out the housing to allow for 22 shorts. At least by then I had enough sense to fire it from a vice with a long string. I think I have now exhausted at least 4 or 5 of my nine lives.

  10. I'm just hope the McDonald's wrapper that said "made from 46% post-consumer recycled content" was talking about the wrapper and not the food it contained. Just saying.

  11. Good thought Brikony...I know the mea on a Big Mac tastes nothing the stuff you get for a few bucks more someplace else

  12. I also laugh at the warning on hairdryers - do not use in the bathtub. Every time I see one of these crazy warnings I always wonder who didn't know and sued the company. People are amazing!

    Who won


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