Wednesday, January 26, 2011


This is my official Inaugural Post on Grumpy's site.  He sent me an invite and I accepted (actually I ASKED him for an invite, but like the song goes, "Ain't too proud to beg"...)  I published this prior to last night's State of the Union Address - so whatever I say below, I wrote it PRIOR to the Address being delivered.

I got close in my estimation of what President Obama would say, but I did miss a couple of points.  Mostly, they have to do with spending, so I guess, in actuality, I nailed it there as well because 90% of the speech was about...  SPENDING 

You may ask why I haven't posted sooner on Grumpy's site, but like we USED to say back in the BAD old Bush days, “Don’t ask, don’t tell”.  I’ve got my reasons, some better than others, but nonetheless they are my reasons, and I’m not talkin’ — Nana, nana, boo, boo!  Shoot, I've got my own website out there (somewhere) and I don't post on IT either.  These days time is at a Premium and I'm a 'Regular Unleaded' kind-of-guy.   

Well, getting back to the post - already in progress...

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve grown, and learned much over the past several years (please ignore the prior Nana, nana, boo, boo, comment -- I was only playing wit ‘cha…)

What have I learned?
  • Not all Marketing is Truth.
  • Not all Truth is Marketed (well).
  • Actions speak louder than words.
  • Words sometimes inspire actions, and, in some cases, inaction.
  • All bills must one day be paid.
  • Typically, ‘One Day’ comes on the day you least expect it (think 11/02/2010 here).
  • You always run out of Paper Towels, Paper Napkins, Tissues, and Toilet Paper in the same week.
  • The week you run out is always the week you have a stomach virus or awesomely nasty occurence of ‘Spastic Bowel’.
  • Sometimes you must look to the past to re-envision your future.
  • And lastly, in the words of Pumba, “It’s like my buddy Timon always says:  You’ve got to put your behind in your past.”

Yes, I / we have learned much.  I would venture to say that tonight that we will learn even MORE.  Yes, tonight the gifted orator and all-around ‘clean and articulate’ guy himself will proffer the State of the Union Address to Congress and the Nation.

But wait!  What’s this?  Is there something MORE we can learn?  Oh, yes, there’s more…

Tonight we will watch as Members of Congress play W-A-M (Whack-A-Mole) as the President speaks.  Dubbed ‘Date Night’ by some in the Media, Republicans and Democrats plan on sitting ‘together’ in an effort to create a harmonic wave which will transform America into the warm, caring place God (and Barack Obama) intends it to be.  The hope is that by reducing the amount of ‘visible’ contrast of opinion between the traditionally Democratic and Republican sides of the House that America will be…

A gentler, kinder place.  Or, in the words of George Herbert Walker Bush, “A kinder, gentler, nation.”

This photo is from last year’s State of the Union Address.  I’m sure there will be an equal number of ‘very serious’ photos taken this evening.  Clinton had that ‘lip bite’ of his, President Obama looks like he’s getting a flu shot with an old, rusty needle. 

Apparently, someone in Washington believes that if you minimize the ’appearance’ of policy disagreement with the President that somehow ‘lunatics with guns’ will…  Change their minds about going on a killing spree in Tucson, Atlanta, DC, or wherever lunatics go on killing sprees.

 The deranged will once again become magically ‘re-hinged’.

Yeah, okay.  Sure, mental illness is CURED by Republicans sitting with Democrats.  Yeah, GOT it.  (Personally speaking, sitting next to Barney Frank would make me NUTS, or at least, extremely nervous about sitting back down after standing to applaud -- draw any conclusions you like…)

A couple of things to get you ready for tonight’s speech:
1.  Let’s set the tone by singing a little “Kumbaya” with Sir Ivan (please do not watch the video segment as your head will most likely shoot off your shoulders into the ceiling fan -- listening is okay, but seriously, this dude is ‘out there’ with the video production.  Watch if you must, but you have been warned.)

2.  Okay, having set the tone by singing harmoniously together with Sir Ivan, let us now remove our shirts, stare into our navels and repeatedly murmur the word, “O-B-A-M-A” until multi-colored flashes appear in our retinas and we hear a chorus of angels singing to us (in Latin).

3.  Continue chanting your “O-B-A-M-A” mantra repeatedly until your wife storms into the room, asks you, “What the heck you’re doing half-naked sitting on the living floor with that Sir Iran video running on the PC?!?!  And WHO is Sir Ivan anyway?!?!?”, now put your hands over your ears and scream, “I’m at PEACE here woman!” as loudly as you can, straight into her reddening face.  Why?  Because SHE has disturbed your Harmony and now, you may NEVER get it back.

4.  That anger you feel is the same anger felt by Democrats across the nation who have lost their stranglehold on our (a.k.a.:  their) government.

So someone in Washington, DC decided that by ‘sitting together’ they could send a positive message to the Nation and…  the World?  Great, super, job well done!

Perhaps the folks in DC can get their arms around the following items in anticipation of tonight’s nationally-televised Infomercial for the benefit of the rhetorically-challenged and potentially criminally insane:

Looney Left’s Translation Guide For Tonight’s State of the Union:

Investment = Government Spending

Focusing ‘like a laser’ on job creation = Government Spending

Improving infrastructure = Government Spending

Deficit Reduction = Taxing people who still have jobs to pay for…  Government Spending

New Business Incentives = Government Spending

Cost-Cutting Efforts = Reducing benefits to seniors to pay for increased…  Government Spending

I haven’t seen, or read of the speech yet, but the common thread will be ‘Government Spending’ and why we need MORE of it.  You want to cut out the ‘angry rhetoric’ in DC?  Take away the microphone from the President, Harry Reid, and the deposed Matriarch of the House, Nancy (don’t call me ‘Bella’) Pelosi.

The President’s call for ‘Civility’ several days after the Tucson shootings lasted about as long as the life-span of a Mayfly (less than 24 hours).  His call for civility was the polar opposite of one of the President’s most memorable quotes upon his assuming the office.  That message?  “I won the election.”

His NEW message of Civility to Republicans, Independents, and a majority of the population is, “You won, now shut up, there can be no further disagreement with me, or my Party while I’m President.”  

President Obama, Buddy, Sparky, Pal-O-Mine, that’s not how it works in America.  In America we have something called the Bill of Rights which, if you’re not familiar with it, you might want to glance at from time to time.  It protects us from a lot of things -- including YOUR limiting our right to Free Speech and the right to Peaceably Assemble (as in, sitting where, and with whom we darn well please).

Please do not misunderstand me, shooting a gun at innocent people is NOT free speech -- it’s the work of a deranged mind.  But, having Democrats and Republicans sit together as a sign of ‘Unity’ to the Nation in an effort to prevent future lunatics from going on killing sprees?

Seriously, that’s just stupid.

And the Republicans who agreed to this ‘Moment of Zen’ swapping their seats for the speech?  Yeah, they need to have their IQ’s checked.  You know what?  While we’re at it, let’s take all the toilet paper, hand towels, and Kleenex out of the House rest rooms because all these guys and gals in Congress need to experience the ‘Spastic Bowel’ feeling the rest of us have experienced for the past two years.

They’re full of it -- but it always ends up going down…  Onto US.  I’m tired of it.

Quit the symbolism -- get on with the people’s work.  Just make sure you use some of that hand-sanitizer before you shake your constituent’s hand -- you with a spastic bowel, no toilet paper and all…

p.s.:  Yet to be determined is how many of the Justices of the Supreme Court show up for the speech.  Perhaps they are not interested in being criticized in front of the nation again for doing their job?  We’ll see.

But if you don’t see these folks there tonight, you know that there is no ‘Civility’ in Washington -- courtesy of the Man in Charge (yeah, the great Orator himself).


  1. I like how you write...Long Live Sir Ivan!!

  2. Capt Black Eagle,

    First things first - thanks.

    Second, Long Live Sir Ivan? Really? The dude creeps me out (a lot). You must not have watched the whole video. It was like a college videography class gone terribly wrong.

    Although, I wouldn't be surprised if Federal NEA dollars were spent to make the video. That WOULD make it ART.

    Have a great night, I'm off to watch Ghost Hunters International. Woooooo wooooo wooooo...

    Mike (Moos)

  3. I thought this blog was the best I've ever read. Sorry to the rest of ya'll but "dad" hit the nail on the head with this one. I laughed my butt off and thought Sir Ivan was a little freaky

  4. Fishy. I've known Moos for a couple years now, he has always had the ability to make a point, and make people laugh while he's doing it.

    Not sure how I got lucky enough to have so much intellegence, knowledge, talent and creativity around me. I'm amazed by every contributor I have, on all three sites...

    As for Ivan, don't know why, somehow I expected him to get with one of those poisoned blow darts at the end.

  5. Fishy, Sir Ivan a LITTLE freaky? You have a pretty high threshold for pain, don't 'cha? Thanks for the kind words, you can call me 'Dad' or 'Moos' - I pretty much answer to anything except, "Hey Noodle Head!"

    I would answer to it if my head weren't actually shaped like an Elbow Macaroni. I guess better this than having it shaped like a Bow Tie Macaroni... (like my kids' heads).

    Grumpy, I'm pretty sure that Ivan got 'something' in the end. More than this I will not say.

    Thanks for the invite to the site, I'll post when I can (thanks for the tips on embedding video here - I wouldn't have figured it out without your Cheat Sheets).

    Night all!

  6. Don't be hatin' on the progressive music is the standard by which really bad music can only ascribe too. ;)

  7. SonsOfLibertyRiders who can't remember passwords writes:

    The Mad Cow did it again. I hope you are saving this my ice cold bovine from the great white north. Keep your utters dry and off the railroad tracks, cause where you live they will get you stuck to the tracks and killed! Or wear a bra.

    My 2 cents on the State of the Dis-Union Change of Address:

  8. My 2 cents, second try:

    It is nice that “The Chameleon in Chief” can change his Idiotology so seemlessly (and shamelessly). If I were a Leftist, Prog/Lib, Socialist or Commie I would be outraged by his speech.

    He did reaffirm one part of the “Idiotology” of the Radical Left. That is, his dislike and distaste for the successful, motivated job producers of this country. He is still “hatin” on the Wealthy, the Smart, the Ambitious, and the American Way.

    BTW the Touch Stone of Social Definitions (THE URBAN DICTIONARY.COM) defines “Idiotology” as:

    The Logic of one who discounts, devalues or “hates on” an individual, organization or group based on one specific idea, perspective or initiative they disagree with. This is true as well in the notion that one joins, subscribes to or believes in a group, organization or individual based on a single idea or perspective they permeate. Another example is taking one thing said using it to insinuate lies and alternative perspectives loosely based around this single comment.

    Peace Out!

    Power to the People, Right On!


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